What would your baby's LinkedIn profile say if they grew up to be a surgeon? Here are three Professional Baby profiles written in the language of the job, one for a newborn, one for an infant and one for a toddler. Every line was written ahead of time and approved through a human-led review.
Catnaps like a seasoned resident | Twenty minutes, then right back on shift
About
I run the most demanding program in the house, with no duty-hour limits and no days off, yet every grown-up in sight is lining up for a shift. I regularly keep leadership on the clock well past quitting time and have yet to approve a single hour of overtime. My calendar is remarkably full for someone who sleeps most of the day: feeds, changes, photo shoots, and visitors, back to back.
Experience
Resident On-Call Lead of Work-From-Home Interruptions
Blowout Response Services · Present · 1 mo
- Granted leadership a 15-minute break by dozing off, then revoked it after 90 seconds with no advance notice.
- Trained every grown-up in the house to sleep like an on-call veteran: in 90-minute blocks, shoes by the bed, one ear always open.
- Increased the household's outdoor hours by 300% after proving that one step outside ends almost any fuss.
Skills
Scrubbing in at bath time · Spit-up logistics · Paging the team at 3 a.m.
Endorsement
“Drove more unscheduled wardrobe changes this quarter than anyone on the team.”
Recommendation
Naomi can study an overhead light longer than anyone who has ever worked under one: twenty minutes, eyes wide, not a single glance away. That's the kind of focus every OR runs on.The Wipes Dispenser
Latest post
I'd like to thank the white noise machine for its steady, unwavering support. Truly the most consistent performer on this team. #Gratitude
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Dresses like a resident on call | Pajamas all day, and nobody questions it
About
Like any good resident, I run big decisions by someone senior: after a wobbly landing, I check a grown-up's face before deciding whether to cry. I keep the whole household on an on-call rotation: whoever has the baby monitor tonight sleeps with one ear open. I return every smile with interest, often adding a happy kick as a bonus.
Experience
Steward of Wake-Up Services
Tissue Box Excavation Ltd. · Present · 3 mos
- Kept leadership's phone close at all times, the first rule of being on call, handing it back 30 times a day, freshly drooled on.
- Trained every grown-up in the house to sleep like an on-call veteran: in 90-minute blocks, shoes by the bed, one ear always open.
Skills
Instrument handoffs (mostly spoons) · Night shift operations · Scrubbing in at bath time
Endorsement
“Would fit right into any OR: loves bright lights, keeps unusual hours, and gets hungry right when things get busy.”
Recommendation
Since Marlowe came home, this whole household has been reorganized around one mission: their comfort. Voices are softer, schedules are looser, and the thermostat gets checked hourly. I've never seen a stakeholder realign an organization so fast.The Laundry Basket
Latest post
Debuted my new scrubs today: one onesie, eleven snaps, every one of them off by one. Leadership did their best. #UniformPolicy
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On call around the clock | Also the reason everyone else is
About
I request a consult on every plate at the table, and the consult always begins with a bite. I yawn like someone coming off a double shift, then stay on the clock for another full hour. I wake from every nap like a resident coming off a long call: dazed, silent, and needing ten quiet minutes on a shoulder before taking questions.
Experience
Staff Operating Room Director of Stat Requests
Footie Pajama Outfitters · Present · 11 mos
- Booked every bath for 10 minutes and ran each one to 45, honoring a proud OR scheduling tradition.
- Slept through the night exactly once, and the team has spent six months trying to find the root cause.
- Removed the sun hat 38 times during a single park visit, a new personal best for the season.
Skills
Instrument handoffs (mostly spoons) · Unsolicited laptop edits · Large-format murals
Endorsement
“Our leading authority on exclusive elevator button rights. Presents grand rounds on it nightly.”
Recommendation
Visitors used to get the full house tour. Now they get a whispered 'come see Liam,' and the rest of the house never comes up again. That is a clear value proposition.The Stroller
Latest post
Unpopular opinion: the box was always the product. Leadership is still trying to get me interested in the toy that came inside it. #ProductStrategy
See the full profile · Instagram image · Printable PDF
Every profile is different: these are three of thousands of combinations. Add your baby's name, birthday, personality and any big news to make your own, then share it, save it as an image or print it.
The surgeon profile also fits anesthesiologist, nurse anesthetist, surgical technologist.
