What would your baby's LinkedIn profile say if they grew up to be a hair stylist? Here are three Professional Baby profiles written in the language of the job, one for a newborn, one for an infant and one for a toddler. Every line was written ahead of time and approved through a human-led review.
Books leadership back-to-back | No openings, no lunch break, one very loyal regular
About
I've trained leadership to hold perfectly still through a full 90-minute nap, with steadier hands than anyone in the business. I keep the strictest client confidentiality in the business: I hear every late-night heart-to-heart in the house and repeat none of it. Nobody in the organization can hold eye contact with the ceiling fan longer than I can.
Experience
Recently Promoted Salon Director of Nap Operations
Wet Wipes Worldwide · Present · 1 mo
- Identified the one clean shirt in the building and prioritized it for spit-up delivery.
- Ensured full compliance with the 'never wake a sleeping baby' guideline by handling every wake-up personally.
Skills
Creaky-floorboard detection · Crib transfer resistance · Blow-dryer sound appreciation
Endorsement
“Ava brings tremendous energy to every 4 a.m. standup.”
Recommendation
Sixteen hours of sleep a day, and Ava still runs this entire household. That is working smarter, not harder.A Very Tired Night-Light
Latest post
Photo day. Hair: smoothed down with a damp washcloth. Makeup: none needed. Talent: one yawn, one sneeze, and one perfect shot. The glam team calls it the easiest booking of the year. #GlamTeam
See the full profile · Instagram image · Printable PDF
Signature look: bedhead | No hair and makeup team could ever recreate it
About
I maintain a zero-tolerance policy on unauthorized crib transfers. I'm committed to continuous learning, especially about what happens when things fall off the high chair. I turn every lunch into a full spa service: yogurt facial, sweet potato hair treatment, and a banana hand mask to finish.
Experience
Seasoned Salon Director of Low-Hanging Fruit Acquisition
Nap Time Bank & Trust · Present · 3 mos
- Called for a full touch-up on the last beep of the camera timer: fresh outfit, clean face, the works.
- Cut leadership's getting-ready routine from 45 minutes to 6, with a strong new focus on the essentials.
Skills
Mirror-side consultations · Yogurt-based hair product application · Blow-dryer sound appreciation
Endorsement
“Runs the cleanest station in town. Nobody touches Reese without washing up first.”
Recommendation
Every appointment with Reese opens with a consultation, and the grown-ups do all the guessing: hungry? Tired? Just wants to be held? The client lets them work through the whole service menu before confirming the booking.The Doorbell
Latest post
Photo day. Hair: smoothed down with a damp washcloth. Makeup: none needed. Talent: one yawn, one sneeze, and one perfect shot. The glam team calls it the easiest booking of the year. #GlamTeam
See the full profile · Instagram image · Printable PDF
Late-cancels at least one nap a day | Always well inside the 24-hour window
About
I'm committed to continuous learning, especially about what happens when things fall off the high chair. At every diaper change I'm the client who won't sit still: rolling, kicking, and reaching for every product on the counter. I turn every lunch into a full spa service: yogurt facial, sweet potato hair treatment, and a banana hand mask to finish.
Experience
Coordinator of Splash Zone Management
Baby Gate Security Group · Present · 11 mos
- Cut leadership's getting-ready routine from 45 minutes to 6, with a strong new focus on the essentials.
- Deployed new walking capabilities exclusively in the direction away from leadership.
- Optimized every restaurant outing down to 25 minutes, including a mandatory lap of the parking lot.
Skills
Hands-on self-service dining · Blow-dryer sound appreciation · Stakeholder wake-ups
Endorsement
“A big believer in walk-ins, especially through the bathroom door.”
Recommendation
Every morning, Ezra runs a full grooming session on whoever sits down nearest: hair brushed with a toy comb, nose inspected, and a big, satisfied 'all done' to finish. Every grown-up in the house is a regular, and nobody has ever canceled.The Sun Hat
Latest post
Completed a hands-on review of everyone's glasses today. My findings are now on the lenses. #Transparency
See the full profile · Instagram image · Printable PDF
Every profile is different: these are three of thousands of combinations. Add your baby's name, birthday, personality and any big news to make your own, then share it, save it as an image or print it.
The hair stylist profile also fits barber, esthetician, makeup artist, nail technician.
